Real Life Happens

Is it just me? Seriously, like – let me rant, and please, share your thoughts – but I seriously wonder what is wrong with people.

I’m a pretty public person – I have a webpage, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and a myriad of other sites I have a profile on, many of which cater to some very specific fetishes and interests. Those interests and fetishes make up who I am – I don’t indulge in them all day every day, but when I have the opportunity, I love to explore them and have fun, with the end goal being a (hopefully) earthshattering orgasm, after which I am sated until the next opportunity or wave of horniness takes over. I get that – I think everyone does (or should),

But here is the crux. 24/7/365 – real life happens. This means – I have a job 40 hours a week, and I have a home life, where I have complicated relationships with no fewer than 3 other people in my house on a daily basis. Polyamorous relationships are complex and take a lot of effort every day. And It’s not all a big orgy or sex from the minute I get home until I return to work, only for the cycle to be repeated again.

There are REAL LIFE things – you know – laundry, dinner, dishes, cleaning, vacuuming and errands like grocery shopping and so on. Add to that events we attend and things we plan and time with friends and family, plus 4 very different schedules, and you start to realise that earth-shattering sex doesn’t happen very often.

So then – why is it that men who approach me on any one of the sites I frequent seem to think I can just, at the drop of a hat, drop everything and race off to play, or fuck or whatever. It is simply NOT that simple.  Real Life happens – and that includes being unavailable to come and shove my dick inside of them.

Recently, a guy who I have had a few minor chats with got all pissy and said “well when you want to fuck, let me know” – well I always want to fuck (well almost) but the practicality is this – As head of my house-hold, I need to fulfil my obligations as such, ensure dinner is prepped and 4 schedules are synced, and the house doesn’t grind to a halt. I have to be rested and ready for work, as do my partners, and I have to get downtime for that to happen.

I have also never been the kind of guy who likes anonymous sex or the back room type sex or the “quickie” in a motel room nor the one-night-stand kind of sex. I don’t do hook-ups for casual sex. I have trust issues, I admit. And maybe it was because I came out so late, but I like to know the person I am playing with. I like to have built a rapport and trust with them before I play. I need that to be able to relax and enjoy myself and not sit there worrying if the guy on the other side of the play session is some kind of psycho.

Most often, I play with people after having met for coffee or in some other social environment, where I get to know them somewhat and am able to get an actual vibe from them. The internet is great and all, but you can’t always judge someone by what they say online, a face to face meeting is better for getting to know and trust them. But that bring up the other issue: The internet itself.

Real life Happens – and, for all intents and purposes, the Internet is not real life. That is not to say that real people aren’t out there and that it is an awesome way to chat and get to know people, it is. 

But it is a thing behind which people can hide themselves. We only present certain aspects of ourselves, especially when courting someone. We don’t have to be 100% open or honest, we can present ourselves as we would like to be, instead of as we are. That is not to say that everyone out there is dishonest, but this is not the point of this blog, and is perhaps a topic for another day. The way the internet works its way into this blog is this: Just because you chat with someone on occasion - or frequently - online does not mean they are there 24/7/365.

I try and limit my online time when my family is home. I prefer to spend time online when I am alone or in need of that ‘physical space’-type alone time. Trying to meet the “demands” of some guy on the far side of the country, continent or planet is not always physically possible because real life happens around my online life. I have gotten attitude from people in the past where my responses are slow because I am distracted by someone who is actually in my physical vicinity. Sorry, but people around me take precedence. Always. Every time.

And that isn’t going to change. After all, real life happens. At least to me.